By Stacy DeBroff 

A lot of what goes on today in schools counts as teasing, and many bullies will excuse their actions by claiming that they “were just teasing.” But teasing is meant to be amusing for both parties. When one child feels hurt or picked on, it’s a case of bullying and aggression.

The other child may not know that his actions are hurtful. Even the seemingly goodhearted teasing that goes on between good friends can leave one feeling upset. Kids often respond to hurtful teasing in the same way
they respond to bullying—by turning inward or lashing out, or putting up a host of defense strategies. Before the problem escalates, help your child to confront the issue.

• If you feel that your child is being teased or bullied, try to get him to talk to you. Instead of pressuring him for information, be patient and remind him that he can always tell you if something is bothering him or someone is hurting him. Keep the lines of communication open by asking about related but neutral topics, like school, friends and activities.
• Remember that your response is important to teaching your child problem solving skills. If you jump to rash solutions like demanding the children stop being friends, or calling the other parent or the school without exploring other options, you may teach your child to run away from problems instead of confronting them.
• Before you step in to solve the problem yourself, it’s better to see if you can help your child handle it on his own. Learning how to stand up for one’s self is a skill important for dealing with many situations in life.
• Ask your child what he thinks. Talking about what he wants to handle the situation and what he would like you to do gives your child a sense of control and can help rebuild his damaged self-esteem. After all, he may have an insight into the situation that you don’t.
• Teach your child to respond to the other person in an assertive, but non-violent way. He can firmly tell the other child to leave him alone, or even turn and walk away without saying a word. The key is showing an aggressor that your child will not tolerate being picked on.

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