Anyone who's ever detached a wailing first-day preschooler from her leg knows the tribulations of separation anxiety. You and your child have grown used to spending the day together, and now for whatever reason both of you have to let go and adjust to a new lifestyle. Guilt, sadness, and fear are all common reactions to this change - but there are ways to make the transition easier. Read on for tips on how to cope.

Using the calendar as a visual reference, talk about what days of the week are work days for you and child care days for your child.

Talk about your day at work, and let your child know you think of her often and look forward to being together at the end of the day.

Start with shorter separations at home and work your way up to a full day of care. Leave your child with your care provider for a morning session first, then add lunch, then her nap, and finally have her stay the whole day. Get a grandparent or friend your child knows well to help if you cannot pick her up early.

Plan to spend extra time at drop-off and pick-up the first week. Take a few minutes to have a friendly conversation with the provider in front of your child.

Stay with the provider until your child is involved with her, toys, or other children.

Make up a goodbye ritual.

Don't unintentionally make separating more difficult for your child. Don't ask for your child's permission to leave, return after you've left if you hear your child cry, or bribe your child into letting you leave.

Don't sneak away, even if you're tempted to avoid a big teary scene. Give a hug, a kiss, and a warm but firm goodbye. Your child may cry at first, which is normal. Usually the tears last for a brief time, five to twenty minutes. Check on your child by phone later.

Do not show your unhappiness or indecision when your child is slow to adjust, as it will make your child more upset.

Let your child look around when she visits day care and choose a toy to play with when she returns so it gives her something to look forward to the first day.

Invite your day care provider to visit you and your child at home before day care begins.

Let her bring with her a favorite toy, tape, or book to share so she will have a familiar object with her and can also show her expertise about a particular item, a comfort item, such as a favorite blanket or stuffed animal, and a family picture for her cubby or crib.

To ease your child's separation anxiety at day care, make her a simple picture book of your family. Take photographs of your daily routine. Include scenes of you dropping off your child at day care, working, eating lunch, and returning to day care to pick up your child. Mount the pictures on small pieces of cardboard and bind them like a "book" or attach them to a large key ring. Then let your child take itto day care with her so she feels connected to you during the day and is reminded that you are coming back.

Sometimes a child adjusts to child care right away, and then after several weeks, she begins crying when you leave. By this time, the novelty has worn off and it becomes more difficult to spend the day without you.

Tape a picture of yourself and your partner near your child's coat hook or cubby area. Your child will be able to take a peek at Mom and Dad whenever she likes.

Draw kisses or make lipstick kisses on paper, and give them to your child to save for later.

Put a lipstick kiss on your child's hand so she can see your kiss all day long.

Send a note with your child to remind her how much you love her.

If you have an in-home care provider:

Get ready ahead of time so you can spend the last few minutes before you leave calm and unhurried. Your relaxed state will help keep your child from becoming anxious.

Have an activity for your child and her caregiver to begin before you leave.

If it helps calm her, leave something of yours with your toddler for her to mind.

Have your child wave goodbye to you from a particular spot.

If your caregiver will be taking your child out somewhere, have her leave at the same time as you to make saying goodbye easier.

Keep life simple at home. Do not make major changes in your child's routine during this time of adjustment.

Image from: St. Louis Children

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