Avoid judging your child for her misbehavior. Communicate to her that what you disapprove of is an action or an attitude, not her as a person. Reassure her that you love her, just not her behavior at that particular moment in time.

Consider the reasons for your child's behavior and think of practical solutions. Most likely, your child is trying to tell you something to which you can respond reasonably to resolve the issue. For example, if she runs chronically late in the morning, it could be that she has not gotten enough sleep and needs an earlier bedtime.

Avoid sarcasm and ridicule, two passive forms of criticism that do not offer constructive solutions and will confuse your child.

Teach her compromise and negotiation. Find ways to give on non-critical issues so you can save your firm answers for times when you really mean it.

ALTERNATIVES TO SAYING NO

Find ways to say "no" less often. Offer alternatives and be willing to negotiate in situations where you have the flexibility to do so. Or use these alternative ways of saying no:

Offer to do what she wants next time, some other time, or later.
Request a minute to consider the pros and cons before answering.
Let your child work to persuade you, as this teaches her how to negotiate and gives you time to reflect about your decision.
Tell your child what other things she can do instead of what she wants to do.

Another way to stop your child in her tracks is to say, "Don't touch" or "That is not a toy!" and then gently but firmly move your child's hand away if she's within reach of you.

If you want to get your toddler away from something, tell her to come quickly because you need a hug and kiss.

For a breakable you do not want your baby to touch, tell her to wave at it, from balloons in the grocery store to glassware on the shelf.

TIME-OUTS

A time-out should take place away from the action, and your child should not be allowed to talk with anyone for its duration.

Have time-out in a boring place with no toys or playmates nearby, such as the stairs. Do not use your child's bed or bedroom for time-outs, or you will teach your child to associate these with punishment.

Escort your child to the stairs or to a time-out chair without losing your temper or giving too lengthy an explanation.

If your child refuses to go into or stay in time-out, put her there yourself and physically keep her there by holding her in your lap if you must. Don't make eye contact, start up a conversation, or deliver a lecture during time-out, or you'll defeat the purpose of a quiet time for reflection and calming down.

Use the general rule of thumb of one minute of time-out for every year of age. For toddlers, have time-out last just a minute or two.

Begin the time-out only once calm settles in, and not while your child screams, throws a temper tantrum, or speaks disrespectfully to you.
Use a timer to indicate when time-out has ended so your child associates it with a more objective source than you.

Don't always treat time-out like an inflexible jail sentence. Once your child has calmed down and regained her composure, you can announce that time-out has ended.

Whoever gives the time-out should enforce it and let the child know when it is over.

If you need to, alternate time-out with losing privileges, for more effective results.

Use a cooling off period as an alternative to time-out. Pick a comfortable spot like a bean bag chair or sofa where your child can sit and calm down. Or, as another alternative, create an argument jar, with slips of paper indicating the five or ten minutes of chore time owed to you each time your elementary school child talks back to you or argues with your decision about something. When you need extra help around the house, pull out a slip of paper and claim back the time she owes you.

Give time-outs for toys as well. Create a "forbidden toy" spot, which can also be known as "toy jail," in an unreachable spot, for toys that your child misuses or turns into weapons.

Use the same time-out rules wherever you go.

Give time-outs to yourself as well, when you need a cooling off period or want to demonstrate to your child that you have behaved in an unacceptable way yourself, such as by yelling or grabbing her.

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