A few words of wisdom from from Carolyn Kepcher.

By Carolyn Kepcher

I recently wrote an article for the Daily News about Helicopter parents. You know, those parents that constantly hover over their children hoping to alternatively protect them from all the evils of the world while serving up their potential to others on a silver platter?

Well I am a parent too and I get it. It is the most painful thing for a parent to see their child get picked last for the kick ball game or know your child was in tears because she was teased about the cartoon character on their lunchbox. O.K., can you guess my children are young?

However, this applies to all parents of children of all ages – especially teenagers and young adults. I was teenager too and my parents were adamant about learning things for myself. Perhaps I resented them as a teenager, but today I thank them.

Children will never learn real life skills if they are constantly protected. Guess what Moms and Dads? You can pull every string in the book to get your child an interview. Heck, you may even get them the job. Will you be there to do the job for them as well? You may have just set your child up for failure. What if he actually isn’t capable, or interested, in the job that has been handed to them? Chances are they won’t succeed – and what kind of lesson is that?

There is no other lesson in life than a “life lesson” and children, just like in kindergarten, or in high school, must learn on their own. Guidance is crucial, but kids need to fail at times too, otherwise they’ll never have an opportunity to learn.

I remember working in a company where we hired high school and college students for summer help. I was amazed at the amount of phone calls my office received from parents trying to get their children work. On my direction, these kids were immediately taken out of the mix of applicants. We appreciated the personal phone calls, the personal letters and, yes, even a resume or two from parents, but that wasn’t what was going to land anyone a job.

These calls would at some times frustrate me so I would take a few. After I let the mother or father talk to me a bit about their amazing child, I would ask the simple question, and I had no qualms about asking, “If your child is a wonderful as you say he is, why isn’t he making this call?’ The most common answer I received from the parents of college students were, ”my daughter is away at school” Ah, yes, I forgot college students don’t have phones!

Or, and this is my favorite: I would invite some of these students into my office after their mom or dad called me. I would introduce myself, ask them to have a seat and then say, “So your mommy called me and said you were looking for work.” You should see the look of embarrassment on their faces. They learned a big lesson that day and I was happy to give it.

So, how do you ensure that your child doesn’t fall victim to the hands of a helicopter parent (you!)?

First, depending on how old your child is, try not to get into the habit of doing everything for your child as they grow and seem ready to assert some independence. Let him try, and then, fail, to accomplish something (as long as safety isn’t an issue!) as many times as it might take or until he’s ready to move on and try again later. Seeing your child’s face after they tackle whatever challenge they’re faced with for the first time on their own will be priceless.

Second, as you child grows, try to empower them with resourcefulness. Remember the old cliché about a parent or teacher, who, instead of just telling a child the meaning or spelling of a word, insists that the child go find a dictionary? Well, sending your kid to Wikipedia or the Miriam Webster website is even easier! Or, instead of wrapping the perfect birthday party gift yourself, sit your child down with tape and paper and let them have at it. You get the idea.

Finally, when it is time for your child to get into college or land a first job, offer to help in ways you can, but set limits on both of your parts so everyone knows what to expect. For example, if you have a professional contact that might be useful, offer to share an email address with your but leave it up to her to write a letter to the person and the company HR department as well. Or, offer to proofread a college essay, but, obviously, avoid writing (or re-writing!) something.

As one of the country's most high-profile businesswomen, and often recognized for her past work with the Trump Organization, Carolyn Kepcher is known by millions for her role on NBC's hit series, The Apprentice. Her desire to achieve both career success and life balance — and to help others do the same — is what led her to co-found Carolyn & Co. Media and http://www.findingwhatmatters.com.

Most recently Carolyn was with the Trump Organization for 11 years. She started as a Director of Sales and Marketing and departed as an Executive Vice President in charge of several properties owned and operated by Donald Trump. She was responsible for overseeing the development of $80 million in golf course development and $150 million in real estate sales. Within the Trump Organization, Carolyn gained a reputation for creating aggressive sales and operating budgets.

Today, Carolyn is a sought-after speaker and published author, providing a fresh voice and perspective to key business issues. She is the author of Carolyn 101, a New York Times best-selling business book, and currently writes a weekly Your Career column in The New York Daily News. An avid golfer, Carolyn sits on the advisory committee for the 2009 U.S Women's Open.

Carolyn is a regular contributor to the FOX Business Network. She is also a frequent guest/commentator on national broadcast programs such as The Today Show, Good Morning America, MSNBC, CNBC, and more. She has also appeared on such shows as Oprah, The View, Fox and friends to discuss workplace issues, Carolyn has earned national attention for her expert and no-nonsense career insight.

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