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It's 3:00 and you've got a parent teacher conference all set. Your child is getting good grades and there doesn't seem to be any problems, but why do you feel like you're the one walking into the SAT's all over again? Here's advice on why your teacher meeting is so important and what you can do to prepare.
Coming Face-to-Face: Getting Involved
For an up close view of your child’s school, its teachers and administrators, too, by all means, volunteer your time and talents. You’re needed, valued, and appreciated. But there’s something else you should, too, and it doesn’t take much time: show up for parent nights and scheduled conferences/meetings. Contrary to popular opinion, these only seem voluntary. In actuality - and for your child’s sake - consider them mandatory. As educational psychologist Arthur Prober notes, “What do children need to do their best in school? Fine teachers, the latest textbooks, state-of-the-art classrooms? All help, but nothing has a more profound effect than parents who get involved.”
First Step: Parent Night/Fall Open House
Consider this a meet and greet, an introduction to the routines and expectations of your child’s teachers, the content of each course, and all homework, testing, grading, and discipline policies. This way, no surprises, no excuses. Hear, too, from counselors and specialists ready to lend a hand, and about special programs that are available. Now, too, you’ll have faces to go with the folks you’ll be hearing from and about.
Conferences: On the Assembly Line
Usually, students are dismissed early in the day, so conferences can take place all afternoon and into the night, sometimes picking up again the next day. As for timing, your fact-to-face may be as short as 10 minutes, so come prepared and don’t overstay your welcome. Bring paper and pencil for note-taking, along with one or two top concerns, and be sure to ask for suggestions. Keep it brief as other parents are waiting their turn. If more needs to be covered, schedule an appointment.
The Parent-Teacher Meeting: By Appointment Only
Here’s your opportunity to get to the heart of the matter with a particular teacher or team of teachers, so again come ready. While you may initially hear some positive comments, the purpose of this meeting is to identify areas in need of improvement--but don’t become defensive. Keep an open mind, listen carefully and be gracious. Remember that, although you know your child better than anyone, you’ve never seen him/her in a classroom, hallway, or cafeteria. Keep in mind, too, that you all want what’s best for your child and must work together, so:
• Tell your child about the meeting beforehand.
• Be prompt.
• Bring paper and pencil for note-taking.
• Bring a list of your major concerns and prioritize them.
• Disclose ongoing and/or carry-over problems/weaknesses.
• Share improvements you’ve seen.
• Relate any changes that you’re seeing at home.
• Communicate any contributing factors, such as a divorce or death in the family.
• Don’t hesitate to ask questions, answer theirs honestly, and be open to suggestions.
As the meeting winds down, consider asking that your child now join the group for the final step of plotting an action plan for all parties to follow, especially your child. For instance, s/he’ll be responsible for completing assignments, studying, being attentive, and participating in class. The teacher(s) will see that your child understands covered concepts, contributes in class, finishes tests, and receives extra help as needed. And you might need to set up a homework/study schedule, ensure that assignments are completed, tests are well-prepared for, and notebooks stay organized. If homework is an issue, request that teachers initial the assignment book daily; you’ll sign it, too, once assured the work has been done.
Remember, you are your child’s advocate, acknowledging weaknesses, overseeing his/her work, and putting into effect the agreed-upon action plan. Is it worth it? You bet. As Patrick Welsh noted in USA Today, “Even if it is only for five or ten minutes, the time parents take to spend with teachers can have an enormous impact on their children’s attitude toward learning and success in school.”