A recent article in The New York Times has received a lot of attention recently. Entitled “When Mom and Dad Share it All,” the article chronicles the lives of some couples engaging in “equal parenting.” These couples split time at home with time at the office as equally as possible, hoping to both earn money while staying involved in their children’s lives. Which, although it sounds ideal to many, is clearly the exception to the rule, and a phenomenon that is unlikely to become a trend. Although every mom who, on average, does twice as much housework and childcare as her spouse, might wish that her husband pitched in more, the reality of equal parenting is not always as perfect as it sounds.

In terms of working outside of the house, both parents need flexible jobs in which they can work part time or set their own schedule in order to parent equally, something that can be difficult to achieve. This also means that neither spouse can get the high full-time salary and benefits, which can make getting by in today’s two-income society difficult - especially since, if part-time schedules overlap, childcare costs might still be part of the equation. Besides that, life at home can be difficult as well. One couple featured in the article, Amy and Marc Vachon, admitted that their shared responsibilities sometimes involved some give and take. Amy, for example, had to let Marc take total control of putting their daughter to bed on nights when it was his turn, even if that meant the two stayed up late splashing in the tub and rolling around on the floor. Yet children need consistency as well (as any mom who has let her child skip a nap or let the babysitter go without punishing a particular bad behavior knows all too well). So while kids would obviously benefit from time with both parents, they might not always profit from the differences in rules or schedules that this can cause.

This type of equal parenting can involve other types of compromise as well. One spouse, for example, may feel more strongly about having a clean house, thus being forced to either put in the extra time, convince their partner to work harder, or decide to let it go. Defining what each chore entails and how often it should be done can also take some work. Most parents with children are familiar with the difficulties of compromise, but there’s no doubt that equal parenting takes that compromise to a whole other (much more specific) level.

While equal parenting is, in theory, a wonderful thing, putting it into practice involves a number of disadvantages, and the ultimately divided attention of both parents may not be the best thing for a child. Many women who wish to return to work after having kids find it hard to balance both obligations, sometimes feeling like they’re not living up to either. Thus, although having both parents living this way could potentially alleviate the guilt, it could just as easily exacerbate the problem instead, placing both parents in the same situation. Not to mention that, in many cases, in order to remain fair, responsibilities and obligations need to be split equally – which might not leave room for family bonding at bath time or a family bedtime story. Keeping to a schedule and being sure to only do your share of the work might mean missing out on the wonderful spontaneity that children so often bring to our lives.

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