I really need some help. My son just started kindergarten and is having a lot of trouble. He has been in daycare before and went to preschool last year, but is having trouble now. His teacher says he is very smart, but he is extremely talkative and does not want to follow directions. If they tell him to do something he doesn't want to do, he has a major meltdown, crying and refusing to listen. I know all parents say this, but he really doesn't act like this at home and has never done it at any other place he has ever been. He even had to go to the principal's office yesterday. We have tried positive reinforcement, consequences, grounding, you name it. His teacher said that he has improved, but still has some things he needs to work on. I am really getting frustrated and I know it is hard on his teachers and classmates. His teacher and I are in constant communication, trying to figure out how to deal with this. I am at my wit's end. Does anyone have any suggestions? I know this is only his 3rd week of school, but I need to get a handle on this now before it gets out of control.

My son doesn't have the meltdown part, but my word at the talking this kid can do. I forewarned the teacher and he has now received a Yellow Bee (the first level of trouble which equals a warning) two of the first three days of school. The first time we warned him ourselves as we felt like it was only the right thing to do for someone who had been the child of the daycare owners and had a lot of liberties before now.

That was Monday of this week. Yesterday we got the wonderful Purple Bee which is the perfect creature in this world. And, then today, again, a Yellow Bee. He had no clue why he received a yellow bee today and a call to school to his teacher gave me the only answer of "I don't remember exactly, but there were several who got yellow bee's today even for the first time". So, today he didn't get to go see his Nanny (my mother which they beg to see all day everyday) and I made him sit in time-out for 15 minutes while his brother played like a wild man right in front of him.

I am a former teacher. I owned a daycare until a month ago and I really have no answers for you. Do you think he would behave better or worse if you were in the room with him? I already know from the daycare experience that his teachers never had a moments trouble from him, other than talking all the time, when I was out of the building. But, once I came in to get some work done, both of my children would get in trouble and remain in trouble until I left.

So, I'm wondering if that is an option? Go to school, sit and watch, see for yourself what is happening. Go back to the preschool and ask the teachers if he did this and they simply did not tell you. I say this only because the previous owner of the daycare I owned would NEVER tell a parent about their child's behavior. Thus when some of the very worst behaved children started school, their teachers were told, "we never had any problems before". I would sit and wonder what that previous owner had hoped to accomplish by not telling the parents. I mean, it is tough in a situation like mine where I expected problems. But, a former parent who just happened to be a former student of mine, came to me and said, "why is she in so much trouble in kindergarten and she never did this when she was in preschool with Mrs. X" And, I said to her, she was in trouble with Mrs. X - ALL THE TIME!

This mom was flabbergasted about her own child. For five years the kid had been terrorizing daycare and preschool teachers and she never knew it. Then, in kindergarten, the kid stayed on red light (the ol' red light, yellow light, green light system) for 4 months. Yes, four months into the school year and the kid was still on red light. So, I say, go back to the preschool and ask for someone to be honest with you.

Chances are if they ever had this problem, they figured out a way to work through it some how or they would have eventually had to tell you. And, if they figured out a way to work through it, then they might can give you some tips to give to his current kindergarten teacher.

Again, my child did the flop in the floor, screaming like a banshee part when he didn't get his way in preschool but only when I wasn't around. If you can get some tips from his preschool teachers or go stay at school with him one day, you might find lots of valuable information that you can pass on to help him.

Hang in there! Don't forget that this is a new environment for your little one, even after experiencing daycare and preschool. How does the class size compare? My daughter is a Kindergarten teacher, and last year had 26 students for awhile -- kids can act out a lot in such a big group! You mentioned you've spoken to the teacher -- did she have any suggestions? Things seem to settle down once kids get into the swing of things, so try not to over-react. There are a lot of new rules and new routines for the little ones to get adjusted to, along with a whole new group of peers and staff members. Two phrases that have always come in handy for me -- "Children need your love the most when they deserve it the least" and "This too shall pass!!"

Thanks a lot for the encouragement. His preschool classes generally had 10 and his kindergarten class has 20. His issue isn't one of being mean, his is about talking, my word at the talking that kid can do! The teacher finally just moved him because it was ridiculous. He is fine as long as he doesn't have anyone sitting close enough to him to talk to. How pathetic is that?

I wouldn't be a bit surprised that the bigger group is having an impact on behavior -- so many new friends, so little time! Our daughter was a "social butterfly" AND a "little mama" in Kindergarten, and the teacher actually found ways to channel those traits in a positive manner, but also found she had to separate my daughter and her best friend for many activities. When it came time for first grade, this teacher made a point of placing our daughter with a "strict" teacher (relative term! elementary teachers aren't usually THAT strict!). Everything turned out fine -- daughter now teaches Kindergarten!

I had some similar troubles with my son when he was in kindergarten last year. I spoke with his teacher and then I made a card he would take to school each day. Basically it was a yes or no check list, some of the things we put on it were:
1. I followed school rules.
2. I was respectful of others.
3. I listened to my teacher(s).
4. I did not have a tantrum.
5. I did what I was asked to do.

His teacher was fantastic and would coment on things that were checked no, and then we would have concequences for his actions, good and bad. It really helped him and kept lines of communication open with his teacher as well. He is now in first grade and so far we've not had any issues.

The reason I think he (my son) was having such trouble was he was bored. He is also a very smart kid and knew most of the things they were teaching, so he felt he didn't really need to pay attention. This year he is much more challenged and is rising to it as well.

I wish you well and just know you aren't the only one