• Being organized is not an innate talent that some people have the fortune of inheriting, but rather a learned art. Getting started poses the greatest stumbling block. Dedicate the time necessary to develop an overall structure that will help you restore and maintain order. It may feel like you are too far behind already to spend time making files and reordering drawers, but it’s an up front investment that will pay off a hundredfold in the long run. The way you organize your household lends structure to your child’s life and gives her a sense of security from which she can explore her universe.

As inspiration, keep in mind the results of feeling less harried and always behind, as well as having time freed up to enjoy your child and do things for yourself.

• Assign everything in your house a home. This way everyone in your family knows where to find what they need, and more importantly, they know where to put it away. You probably use this principle to organize your china cabinet or dresser, with clearly defined places for plates and cups, or drawers for socks or underwear. Bring this thinking to the broader aspects of your home to save many hours of searching for things. It also dramatically cuts down on the clutter of items left out “for now” or “until I find a place for it.” Accept that some degree of clutter with a child in your home is inevitable.

• Clutter must be dealt with daily, a little at a time, so don’t wait for a big block of time to tackle it. Before you buy any household good, consider the time it will take to maintain that item, the space it will take up in your house, and where will you store it. Make it a general policy to try to throw out one old thing for every new purchase that enters your home. Never go up or down the stairs empty-handed. Always grab stuff with you to that belongs to upstairs rooms and quickly put it away. Hire a babysitter to come in for two hours while you reorganize. You’ll have a time limit, and since you’re paying someone, you’re likely to use the time well.

• It’s easier for your child to keep her bedroom, toys, and play areas neat if they start out well-organized. When it comes to organizing your child’s toys, you may eventually find yourself dealing with a “toy flotilla” that seems to acquire a life of it’s own, wandering from room to room in your house. Resist the urge to wade into the mess alone with a garbage bag in tow. Instead, consider the organization process a learning activity for your child in which you gradually evolve to playing the role of consultant. Get your child in the habit of cleaning up toys every night. Make it as easy as possible for your child to put away her toys without help. Ample low shelf space and plenty of crates, buckets, cork boards, and boxes will make cleaning up toys easier, as there is a home for each type of toy when the time comes to put everything away. And the next time your child can find what she wants without dumping everything out into a pile on the floor.

• Anticipate and plan for repeat activities, and establish daily routines that help alleviate stress for your family. For instance, a key stress point for families is mornings, where tempers start to flare, leisure time disappears, and grouchiness prevails. Designate a space for each family member, such as a cubby, cabinet, or a spot in your mud room, for items needed in order to get out the door in the morning. By changing your routine in the evening to include laying out clothes, getting backpacks and briefcases ready, packing and refrigerating lunches, setting the breakfast table, and setting up coffee, you eliminate the mad scramble of the morning rush. Patterns you set in motion eventually become taken for granted by your family as simply the way things get done around your home.

• Convene family meetings as a regular part of your week, even if for your child’s first few years this means spending a half hour with your partner to plan the coming week and talk over how things are going. Meetings encourage your family to come together, learn about each other’s week, sort out collective priorities, understand what’s expected of each other, and air topics of concern. Use your meeting time primarily for building communication and support. When your child is very young, set aside this time with your partner to compare notes. Begin to include your child starting around age four, even if she only participates by listening.

• Make time for the people and things that matter most to you. No amount of organizing can fix an overcommitted household. Prioritizing, while it seems obvious, often falls by the wayside in the midst of everyday details. Get comfortable saying no to commitments that don’t interest you or that you don’t have time for. Drop unimportant and time-consuming obligations from your family’s schedule to reduce the burdens on your time. While being organized will help you accomplish more, it is no panacea to overburdened schedules.

• Moving from one home to another is an inherently stressful event for a family, especially for a young child, who may not understand the commotion and who has almost no say in the decision. Don’t ignore your child’s anxiety about moving away. Give your child as much information as possible, based on her age and ability to understand, instead of letting her overhear random snatches of adult conversation. Show her pictures of your new home. Involve her in all aspects of the move, from packing up her treasures to go with you in the car to decorating her room. Allow her to be sad or even angry, and try not to be offended if she lashes out at you for removing her from friends and activities she loves. Throw a goodbye party with her friends and take outings to see favorite places one last time. Once in your new home, maintain the stability of bedtime, comfort objects, and your availability in order to ease the transition. Emphasize the adventure you are about to embark on together, and plan outings to explore your new neighborhood.

• Take time to nurture yourself. You need to replenish all the parenting energy that goes out to your child, all the work energy that your job consumes, the effort you put into your household responsibilities, and the spiritual energy needed to build and maintain relationships with family and friends. Carve out time for yourself and your interests, so your role as “Mom” doesn’t consume you, especially since there’s no official time off from the work of parenting. You risk profound frustration by completely subordinating your own needs and interests to those of your family. When your own leisure time deteriorates, stress spills over to your family.

• Make sure, in the mayhem of managing your family, that you and your partner set aside enough time for each other. It’s difficult to work on your relationship with your partner when you feel exhausted and barely have time for yourself. Establish a date night every week or every other week with your partner and without your child. Make it a real date, with time for conversation, intimacy, and reconnection. Talk about the kids and work-related issues for twenty minutes and then make that an off-limits topic for conversation. Taking care of your relationship ultimately preserves the family life you strive to create for your child.

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