By Blythe Lipman

Welcoming a new sibling into your family is a time filled with joy. What could be better than being a new “Big Sister?” Uh oh, did you speak too soon? What happened to my “Big Girl” helping me? Those first few months can make any new parent want to tear her hair out in frustration and exhaustion. It doesn’t matter if your first child is a toddler or in first grade, preparation and positive reinforcement are the key words here. The following tips will help prepare you and your family for this wondrous event.

 

• Nine months can seem like an eternity to a child if you start the discussions the minute the little blue line appears on the test. Try and wait until the second trimester when your tummy is expanding.

• Let your child’s age and comfort level govern your discussions. It is not necessary to share graphics with a two year old.

• Always be positive when talking about being a “Big Sister.” Don’t over-talk the part about the baby crying. It will not be real until it happens and this can unnecessarily raise your child’s anxiety level.

• If you have friends with infants, try and visit them when their baby is awake. Show your child that it is okay for a baby to cry, that you have to be gentle.

• Many hospitals offer sibling preparation classes to help with the transition using age appropriate pictures, toys and videos. This is a great time for you and your child to share.

• If the reality of your baby’s pending arrival raises your anxiety level, share these feelings with friends. It is not fair to burden your child with adult fears.

• Make a special time for you and your child to go through her baby toys and pick out the ones the baby will be able to use. This responsibility is great for self-esteem and will show her how important she is in the family.

• Start a new ritual with your child before the baby arrives. Something as simple as cuddling with her for 10 minutes before bed each night is perfect – just the two you to share your love.

• If you are going to move your child into a “big girl bed” before the baby arrives, try and make the move at least three months before the baby is born. You want to leave enough time for this new adjustment. There is nothing worse than having two children crying in the middle of the night!

• If you are going to enroll your child in a new preschool or start daycare when the baby arrives, leave plenty of time for this change. One to two months if possible. Too many changes all at once will only make it more difficult for the entire family.

• If your child is in preschool, prepare the caregivers in advance so they may talk about the event.

• Ask your child’s teacher to make a wonderful, big deal when the event happens. Send a picture of the two siblings for show and tell or even one of the baby’s toys or bottles to show.

• If you are planning a home delivery, make sure to have the midwife and doula meet your child a few times before the event.

• Deciding whether you want your child in the room during the delivery is a personal decision. But remember, it can be terrifying to hear or see mommy in pain and not being able to comprehend that this will result in a wonderful miracle.

• When it gets close to your delivery date, tell your child where she will stay or who will be with her while you are in the hospital. This is not the time to spring a new babysitter on her. The change in routine will be difficult enough when you come home.

• If she is going to stay at Grandma’s or a friend’s house, do a dry run a few times before the event. There is nothing worse than getting that dreaded phone call in the hospital that your child won’t stop crying and wants to come home.

• Take your child to the store to pick out a special gift to give her new baby when she comes home.

• And don’t forget to give your older child a gift from the baby as well. It is not necessary to shower her with lots of gifts. One from the baby and one from mommy and daddy for being the “New Big Sister/Brother is plenty in this material world.

• Don’t be upset if your child reverts back to her babyhood, wanting a bottle, wetting the bed or if she wants you to “take that baby back!” This is all very normal. She is used to being the center of the universe 24 hours a day.

• Try and do one special activity with her once or twice a week while the new baby is napping. Something as simple as making cookies with slice and bake dough, coloring at the table or watching that special video you save for that time. And don’t forget to ask daddy to have his special time too.

The first few months are usually the most difficult. Transition takes time. But with the right tools, a few naps if possible and lots of planning and patience, this second amazing event, the birth of your baby will be as good as the first!!!

 

© Blythe Lipman 2008

Blythe Lipman is the author of “Help! My Baby Came Without Instructions” and “More…Help! My Baby Came Without Instructions,” available at Borders, Barnes & Noble, Amazon.com, and online at www.babyinstructions.com, where you can also sign up for her free monthly e-mail tips. Send any questions and comments to Blythe at: This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it

 

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