My 10 yr old step daughter is in the 5th grade this year, and since the first day of school she comes home upset and very sad, when i ask her whats wrong she begins telling me that she has no friends and has no one to talk to and it upsets her, i tried telling her that maybe she should try talking to them first, she says that when she does that they dont want to talk to her or ignore her completly, How can i make her feel better? My daughter doesnt like to go to school anymore where as just last year she was so excited and couldnt wait to go, Now i am lucky if i get her out of bed on time.

Hi,

I have been searching the web for this exact reason with my 8yr old daughter. Last year my daughter was the most popular girl in a small christian school. The school permanently closed in june but I was lucky enough to get her into a charter school. My daughter used to be so confidant and happy now she comes home and curls into a ball with a blanket over her head crying!! My heart is breaking for her!! She says exactly what your daughter said about no one wanting to talk to her. She says that they turn their backs on her and talk to other kids. I am also trying to encourage her to keep trying to be nice and make friends but she is really struggling with self esteem issues now. I would really appreciate any help you can offer.

Thank you,

Sharon Evans
(very concerned mom)

Having had few friends when I was little (and having been bullied as well), I understand to a degree what your daughter is going through. In fact, I don't believe I've made the best friends of my life until college.

Now, I think it would help if your daughter participated in extra curricular activities that she cares about- dancing, painting, creative writing, sports, whatever she wants. These classes will build her self-confidence and help her meet kids who have the same interests as her. Once her self-confidence builds, her ability to socialize with other people should as well.

She might be too discouraged to participate in outside activities, but it's worth a shot. I made wonderful friends in college because they were people I met within my major, which is a fine arts major. It's hard for introverted people to meet other introverted people unless they met in a place of common interest. Your daughter might be the same way.

Also, a degree of attention to appearance is good too (not to be superficial). 5th grade is a tough year because that's when girls really start developing physically. It's good to feel pretty. It's good to like your own appearance. Ask your daughter if there's anything about herself she feels insecure about, and talk to her about her strong points. A day of grooming does wonders to the self-esteem, and it's nice mother-daughter bonding.

I hope this helps!

Perhaps she feels like a fish out of water after she switched schools. She's the new girl surrounded by new people. It would make sense that she feels isolated, especially since most kids have already formed tightly knit groups.

As I've suggested to the other poster, try having your daughter participate in extracurricular activities to meet other kids who are interested in the same things. Ask your daughter if she's interested in art classes, dancing classes, music, sports- anything that will have other kids in it. If she has at least one friend outside of school, she may develop her confidence again. Confidence attracts friends.

This reminds me very much of a short, five minute film I saw online. It's very inspirational. You can watch it here:
https://spiritclips.com/films/red