By Stacy DeBroff
Middle school can be overwhelming for any child. He suddenly jumps to six or seven different classes, each with a different teacher, and likely faces a major increase in homework responsibilities. Even the sheer size of a new building can be intimidating. In the middle grades, students wrestle with issues of authority, independence, and increased visibility in the community, in addition to coping with increased extracurricular choices.
Children also develop a stronger sense of self and exercise more of their own judgment in problem solving after entering middle school. They naturally refuse guidance from parents in a quest to assert their independence and establish personal privacy and ownership. Your adolescent child will ask for your opinion less frequently when he makes a decision and will want to spend more time with friends and less at home. Do not abandon him during this tumultuous period of his life, but expect that he will require more space and freedom.
If your child suddenly exhibits a major change in behavior or grades in the beginning of the year, recognize that he is going through a difficult transition and that it may take him a little while to adjust.
Middle school can also be a big shift for you. Many middle schools put less energy into keeping you informed, extending the independence they require of their students into the autonomy they ask of parents. Now, the job of staying involved becomes more your responsibility.
Transition and uncertainty often surround the middle school years, with your child wanting to feel autonomous but still needing your involvement.
Your child's adolescence can be just as turbulent for you as it is for him. Many parents experience feelings of helplessness and depression when dealing with a rebellious, angry, or disobedient child struggling for independence. Your child's small rebellions don't mean you've failed: at the same time you that absorb his child's anger and glares, you are acting as the anchoring influence in his life. Keep discipline methods constant and continue to express high standards for schoolwork and interactions with family members.
Middle school years are the prime time for you to set a new standard of involvement in your child's education. Take the time to ease your way into the position of guide, promoter, and mentor.
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